you want more towel?

[terrpuss]

    a guy walking down a trail sees a man hugging a tree and asks,  "what are you doing?"
    the man answers, "wrap your arms around the tree and listen.  you can hear nature."
    when the guy hugs the tree, the man handcuffs him, steals his wallet and clothes, and runs off.  another man comes walking down the trail and stops to ask what happened.  after telling him, the tree-hugger hears a zipper and a whisper in his ear, "this isnt your day."

[terrpuss]

    two women walking home after a night out and needing to pee stop in a graveyard.  one woman cleans up with her underwear and tosses them.  the other woman uses a ribbon from a wreath close by.
    the next morning one husband calls the other.  "my wife came home with no panties!"
    the other one says, "yeah?  well, mine came home with a ribbon reading, ALL OF US AT THE FIREHOUSE WILL MISS YOU!"