RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
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>> >
>> > 1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little
beverage, good food and companionship.
>> > She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
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>> >
>> > 2. We also sleep in separate beds.
>> > Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
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>> > 3. I take my wife everywhere.....
>> > but she keeps finding her way back.
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>> > 4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
>> >"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
>> > So I suggested the kitchen.
>> > 5. We always hold hands.
>> > If I let go, she shops.
>> > 6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread
maker.
>> > She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!"
>> >. So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was
water
in the carburetor.
>> > I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake."
>> >
>> >
>> > 8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.
>> > Then the mud fell off.
>> >
>> >
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the
garbage?"
The driver said "No, jump in!"
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.
I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though.
My wife asked "What's on the TV?"
I said "Dust!"
